Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
