my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
