At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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