During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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