you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
