I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize