shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
