I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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