The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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