My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
