with your own penis?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
