C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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