I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
