Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
