Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
