Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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