I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
