i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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