i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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