If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i will never coherently bang her
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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