Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
