gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
