i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
