wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
