dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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