best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
