Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
