we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
