Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize