She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
