He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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