Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Vodka?
Forever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
