I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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