East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
