So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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