I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
