We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
only if we run a train.
done.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
