Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
