I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
