They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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