Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
