Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
