I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
