I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
