Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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