so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
