I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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