I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
