be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
