And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
