she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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