if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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