her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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