He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize