She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
