she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize