So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
