My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
