Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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