i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
