I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
