Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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