Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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