i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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