I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
