Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
