I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
