you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
