Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
