Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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