Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
