Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
