she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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