my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
third nipple confirmed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
