I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
