can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
