i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
