you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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