I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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