Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
