I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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