why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
