If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
