I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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