so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
