Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
