JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Barsexuality is the new black.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
