It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
